I’m feeling a little bit lost. A little like I’m on the outside. Like I did when I missed school through illness and when I returned everyone had moved seats and had new best friends.
This isn’t a new feeling, I’ve been like this for years. Never quite on the inside, one of the cool kids, one of the gang. You see I’m not super smart, super pretty or witty or wise. I’m not well read or traditionally well educated. I’m not tall or thin or have particularly good hair. My coat has holes in and my shoes are ordinary.
But I’m also not cool (I ain’t never been cool) – I’m not messy in that took ages and look amazing way. I’m not quirky or artsy or musical or talented. I can’t write, draw, create.
I’m just kind of normal. And well some times maybe a bit less than. And when I’m on the outside looking in I’m not quite sure what to do. Not quiet sure what to say or even of there is anything I could say. Or even if I want to be. I think I’m so used to not being that I wouldn’t know how to be.
So I stay, on the outside looking in. Feeling a little jealous of the friendships, fun and plans being made. Wondering if there’s something I should have done better – tried harder at, been more open, outgoing.
Or maybe I’m just not cool enough.